Monday, January 24, 2011

hiatus allready

so have just had a five day weekend of sorts,

was awsome went to a concert 20hours driving all up to get to and from, was epicly awsome though, best thing about it was there was noone keeping an eye on my eating habbits, literally had nothing the whole time i was away asides from a sprite zero and some rice cakes,

took some acid and danced solidly for around 11hours

did get a bit dizzy at one point and thought i was going to pas out hence the lemonade.

Missed my boyfriend so much, its so gay i think that i love him but in all honesty have never loved anyone before because im too scared about giving people that much controle over my emotions, the ability to crush me, i keep that privilage for myself.

do i just bite the bullet and say, hey babe, one day i really want to love you but im scared shitless tha you will discover my secrets and not want me anymore?

Found out that before we started dating that ther was this huckmole stripper living with him, not that i mind what he did before me, but i know her, and i fucking hate her, it actually annoys me to the point where i lie in bed and think, fuck that huckmole amie has proberbly laid in this exact same spot.

pathetic i know, i just want to be smaller than her but im stuck, i know that when i look at myself i think im fatter than i am apparently, but does that mean i do the same when i look at photos of her?? or do i think she is skinnyer than she actually is?

Well, all that asides had a meeting with a photographer yesterday to jusp start my modeling career, he was nice, took HEAPS of photos, i was disgusted when we did some biki shoots though, at least i can fake all the self confidence i need, will post some ofthe pics when i get them.

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